This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse

Something very odd has happened to me while in Europe. I don't feel like I've "changed" as a person, or had some monumental alteration of my world-view, but for reasons I feel are beyond my control, I suddenly find myself enjoying beer more than Mountain Dew.

Now for some of you this may seem quite mundane, and truthfully it is, but in my world one of the primary reasons I drink so little alcohol is that I just don't find it very tasty, and the primary reason I am constantly over-caffeinated is that I find MD to be absolutely delectable.

So what the heck?

Well, for starters it is clear that the average quality of even the cheapest beers in Europe (ok, at least the places I've been - Greece, Turkey, Estonia & Poland) are substantially superior to their American equivalents, here laughably over-priced and sold as exotic imports.

The second factor is local sweeteners. One clever thing about the soda industry (and many others), is that they know the best way to appeal to a new (foreign) market is to approach it from a familiar direction. It's a lesson US foreign policy continues to disregard, but whenever they do figure it out, expect it to be called the Coca-Cola Doctrine. Basically, you have a product, and you need to make new people enjoy it. But your product is so different than everything they're accustomed to, how to bridge the gap? Answer: find a local ingredient that is similiar, and substitute. Best part, the local ingredient will be cheaper than shipping the original over seas, and this allows you to do your bottling locally as well, creating more jobs, positive sentiments, and above all, higher profits.

It works out well for Coke here and many other places, where the use of actual sugar from natural sources results in an arguably "healthier," but definitely tastier beverage.

But woe is Pepsi, because while it mimics the same brilliant strategy, it suffers adverse results. Apparently the "secret ingredient" that makes Mountain Dew so tasty, zingy, and chemically addictive doesn't translate well into Polish. I couldn't find the drink in Greece, turkey or elsewhere, though presumably it crops up where they can establish a market. But in Poland, at least, it is occasionally available and horribly disappointing. Somewhere amidst all the other chemicals, I can taste the faint hint of the Dew I recall, but it's 95% a new drink, and without the key ingredient, quite unappealing even to me.

So I guess my point is that while generally speaking, many things are the better for the inclusion of indigenous ideas or ingredients, some things are so specifically the product (and preferrence) of a specific location or culture that any attempts to "adapt" it will fail, and in doing so bring to light just how perverse the original obsession is.

So yeah, in Poland at least, I'd rather have a beer than a Mountain Dew. That's not going to do my guy any favors, though it is probably giving my kidneys a much-needed respite.

Weber (on the lamb)